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 Schroedinger's Lottery
by R M S
 A lottery ticket sits on my desk, vibrating with possiblities. It is interesting to consider that the worth of this piece of paper is directly tied to a randomized event that will occur at a set time.
This lottery ticket has a few possible futures, with outcomes ranging from zero, to ten dollars, to 90 million paid out over 25 years. Yet, nothing about the physical structure changes - it is only the perception of the value that is transformed.
If I attempt to exchange this ticket for currency 5 minutes before the drawing, most probably I will be refused. But, 5 minutes after, I might have people wanting to take it from me. It is a interesting concept. Such is the nature of a chaotic universe.
However, there is nothing random about my plans for the windfall. Victor and I have discussed this eventuality in length, over many extended road trips. If I did obtain a great deal of money, I would do my part to put Alfred University into the public spotlight. How, might you ask? Simple - I create a scholarship.
But not just ANY scholarship mind you, oh no. Giving money simply because someone did well on a test or wrote a killer essay is way too easy. Hell, the entire reason I went to Alfred on a scholarship is because I happened to get a 740 on the verbal section of the PSAT's. (I guessed on about %25 of that section) The verbal is double weighted when calculating the score for the Merit Scholarship competition, so I happened to do very well.
So, to insure this type of fluke does not happen, we must make the candiates EARN their free ride. The selection process will first ensure that a equal mix of students from different backgrounds are selected. Art, English, Science, Mathmatics, each major will have two candiates selected by the faculty. Then, they compete. But I'm not talking about college bowl - what I'm thinking about is more like American Gladiators.
I will create various events, such as the frat house race, where contestants must run to each fraternity house, drink a beer, grab a simulated ass, and punch/slap a dummy. Or the term paper deadline, where students must copy a essay as fast and accuratly as possible. And what Alfred competition would be complete without the lunch tray hill slide race?
After all the events, the points are totalled up, and the true Alfred student will be revealed. And once MTV picks it up, it will be broadcast around the country, hopefully surpassing the Osbornes in popularity, or even, dare I say it, Nick and Jessica.
Now if the quantum waveform would just hurry up and colapse, I can get to work.
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