TAL Fiasco (Regime Style)
I’d like to address the alleged problems with last weeks riot. I know that not everyone knew there were problems, and this might come as a shock, but the police raid was not planned. Neither were the hoses and apple throwing. I myself was not aware that there were apples thrown until several hours after being released from the holding cell.
First of all, I’d like to take a moment to say thank you for all who participated. The matching shirts with communist logos on them were quite a hit. Even the random quoting of great literary works seem to go over well (though they didn’t quite follow the rioting theme).
I like to address the next comment to the rioter who felt it should be done in the nude: “The riot planners discussed the possibility of rioting in the nude, but quickly discarded it due to the obvious dangers”. To the rest of the rioters- the naked individual should be able to wear pants again soon, after the swelling goes down. The riot planners have chosen a spot next year, coincidentally, a few miles from the wasp farm.
As for the people were diligently holding signs: We appreciate all the time spent with paint, markers and glue. We do suggest next year the addition of a dictionary, as words painted ten feet tall attract a lot of attention, but sadly caused more laughter than rioting behavior due to the misspelling a several key phrases. It should be noted that the phrases were also quite ingenious. The rioting committee has hired a lawyer to deal with the infringement issues, and copyright laws that were broken in the spirit of a good riot.
The riot planners have also decided to open up the suggestion box for a theme song for next year. None of us had any idea that the Sarah Mclachlan song would soothe the rioters. We apologize for that, and hope to choose something a little peppier for next year (Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Metallica “Welcome to the Jungle”).
The addition of some rioters wearing fake elf-like ears has apparently caused some negative news coverage. The committee announced at the press conference this morning that all rioters were indeed human, and apologized publically for the confusion. If you lost your ears, please check in the lost and found box in the office. If you can not find them, please understand we had nothing to do with the post riot loitering.
I also have some bad news to report- The money we raised this year to fund the riot through bake sales and car washes mostly went to bailing people out of jail, and rebuilding the statue that was “damaged” and is therefore not available for next year. So please start working on your fundraising ideas, and pass them along to the committee. And a side note to those rioters congregating near the statue- a local newspaper has sent pictures to the committee. It is no use in denying your inappropriate gestures and actions.
Further issues will be brought up at the next rioting meeting, please save the date and make every effort to join us.