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 Ruinous Bets
by Patrick Clapp
 Chris Baty, the man behind the self-induced month of caffeine and word counting known to many as NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month – has several points to offer to aspiring participants.
Set a deadline – amazing things happen when the human mind is faced with a deadline.
Make bets against your success – ruinous bets to beggar the brave and push them to write.
Tell others of your madness – this prods the fear of embarrassment present in all of us.
Of course, Nanowrimo is held in November, a month well past according to the impatient foot-tapping of my credit card company. In his book, No Plot? No Problem!: A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 Days, Chris acknowledges the difficulty for certain elements in the population to undertake such feat of idiocy – college students, especially. However, any month will do, and the excuses of “oh gee, looks like I missed out on it this year”, hold water like a plastic cone-shaped cup with a hole on the small end.
I wish JaNoWriMo didn’t sound like Janet Reno. Seriously, I need a better title (Please look for me to reiterate that statement in the coming weeks). That said, I, and a few friends, are embarking on a journey the likes of which someone I know experienced just last November! A more accurate statement would be – a buddy of mine is doing it, and I signed up like a kid who really wants to make a living from jumping off of bridges.
Thirty-one days – 50,000 words (and I do not believe the title counts).
It seems mildly rational at the moment. Unburdened suddenly from a semester of coursework, thoughts are spinning from my mind like an operational weedwhacker opened for all to see, or even the madman on his porch flinging homemade bolos at the trespassing neighborhood kids. Fortunately, much like the previous sentence, my 50k word novel does not have to be any good.
Hmmm. Well, up until this paragraph was only about 320 words. It’s going to be a rough month. Regardless, I shall prevail! And here, as proof, is the contract which initiates the aforementioned deadline (as found in Baty's book, page 37):
Form: #A30/31/50K
The Month-long Novelist Agreement and Statement of Understanding
I hereby pledge my intent to write a 50,000 word novel in one month's time. By invoking an absurd, month-long deadline on such a enormous undertaking. I understand that notions of "craft." "brilliance." and "competency" are to be chucked right out the window, where they will remain, ignored, until they are retrieved for the editing process. I understand that I am a talented person, capable of heroic acts of creativity, and I will give myself enough time over the course of the next month to allow my innate gifts to come to the surface, unmolested by self-doubt, self-criticism, and other acts of self-bullying.
During the month ahead, I realize I will produce clunky, dialogue, clichéd characters, and deeply flawed plots. I agree that all of these things will be left in my rough draft, to be corrected and/or excised at a later point. I understand my right to withhold my manuscript from all readers until I deem it completed. I also acknowledge my right as author to substantially inflate both the quality of the rough draft and the rigors of the writing proves should such inflation prove useful in garnering me respect and attention, or freedom from participation in onerous household chores.
I acknowledge that the month-long, 50-000 word deadline I set for myself is absolute and unchangeable, and that any failure to meet the deadline, or any effort on my part to move the deadline once the adventure has begun, will invite well-deserved mockery from friends and family. I also acknowledge that, upon successful completion of the stated noveling objective, I am entitled to a period of gleeful celebration and revelry, the duration and intensity of which may preclude me from participating fully in workplace activities for days, if not weeks, afterward.
Signed - Patrick Clapp
Date - December 17th, 2004
Novel Start Date - January 1, 2005
Novel Deadline - January 31, 2005
And, since any bet could be considered ruinous to me (student!), I shall skip directly to point three – consider yourself aware of my impending madness. Numbers, more so to me than words, are fun. Here is something to wash away your time at counterculture coffee-shops while dissecting deeply my mercurial ambitions*:
....DAY.............TARGET......ACTUAL
January 1........2,000..........2,129
January 2........4,000..........4,197
January 3........5,500..........6,239
January 4........7,000..........8,745
January 5........9,000..........9,550
January 6........11,000........11,729
January 7........13,000........13,877
January 8........14,500........14,503
January 9........16,000........16,750
January 10......18,000........19,231
January 11......20,000........21,247
January 12......22,000........24,843
January 13......23,500........26,909
January 14......25,000........27,502
January 15......27,000........29,208
January 16......29,000........31,285
January 17......31,000........32,931
January 18......32,500........35,055
January 19......34,000........37,362
January 20......36,000........39,379
January 21......38,000........40,882
January 22......40,000........42,928
January 23......41,500........44,356
January 24......43,000........45,886
January 25......45,000........48,167
January 26......47,000........50,196
** GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ***** !!!!!!
* edited after Sean's comments. Thanks!
also - "Today is the Day" and Spamusement - copyright Steven Frank used without permission but I did buy a T-shirt.
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