|
 Dear Uncal Patick - I hade a lot of Fun spending your money
by Patrick Clapp
My nephew David turned 13 recently and because I am the greatest uncal in the 'verse I sent him the two core 3.5 D&D books he did not yet have. His mother had mentioned that he was getting into the glorious habit that will keep him intellectually stimulated for years while at the same time keep him far apart from all but the coolest of girls. I decided that the coolest uncals were the ones that hooked their nephew up with dice and core books.
She knew I was doing this, but she failed to tell his father (my brother Chris). Chris had also purchased the two books, and made David work his ass off to earn them by spending a pair of days striping paint from their porch in the deliciously cool and breezy Ohio summer (<--sarcasm).
Upon discovery of the duplication, Chris called me and apologized. He felt bad because "I made the kid work his ass off for those things" and I was always great about not only remembering his kids "had a birthday sometime this month" but knew the actual day. I said, no big, just return them and with the refund get something teh awesome instead (paraphrased of course - obviously my ancient brother, by topping 40, would not understand me if I emphasized something with a word like teh).
So...this is what they did (and I think it turned out to be completely awesome):
David exchanged my books for 2 Jackie Chan DVDs that his mother did not yet own. Chris gave David the cash equivalent of the books ($40ish) and told him that he could spend the money in the local D&D et. al. hobby shop.
A snippet of the conversation I had with my brother:
Me: "Did he find something he liked?"
Chris: "Patrick, he spent four hours looking through stuff and figuring out what he wanted to buy. Funny how careful he is when it is his money."
Me: "Cool. There are so many different books to choose from that it really comes down to personal taste when you are buying outside of the core set."
Chris: "Well...he damn near read two chapters out of every manual there to see if it was the one he wanted. He bought miniatures to match up to the module he bought as well. He wanted to get two books but decided that he could get more by swapping it out for a battle mat and more minis. He was calculating taxes and trying to use up every penny. He got pretty close, too."
Me: "Awesome."
Chris: "Didn't he send you a thank you note about this?"
Me: "No. But given my ability and history with thank you notes, I got no box to stand on to say nothing about nothing." (<-- poor grammar for emphasis, not because I am illiterate)
Chris: "Goddammit. I told him he needed to write one. grumble grumble gonna kill him grumble grumble only uncal remembers the exact date of his birthday grumble grumble."
Me: "Don't worry about it..."
However, this morning I checked my snail-mail and found a letter from David. Now...he is very very very good at math and science. Spelling and handwriting...not so much. Proof-reading...probably about as good as most people (read: meh). Grammar and punctuation - about on par with my friend Sharky (read: laughable). The letter is written in pencil and takes up most of the sheet (folded thrice for the envelope). I feel I have to share this thing because I found it hilarious:
Dear uncal Patick,
Thank you For the two Books
My Dad made Paint the front porch & for payment
He gave me the two D&D core Books I was
missing. So what I did was exchange
the Books. (mom got two Jackie Chan DVDs) Dad
gave me the money. Which I took to
the D&D store. Were I spent 4 hours
picking out stuff. What I got was
* one big Battel grid that I can darw the dungeon on
* a pack oF wet erase markers For my Battlegrid
* some Hero minichers & Bad guy minichers incling
a Dragon, kobolDs, an GobLins.
* a Book of LeGacy weapons.
I hade a lot of Fun spending your money
Thank you very much.
David
|
