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 How to Survive Anywhen
by Patrick Clapp
I think we all want to write a book someday. Finishing a book is probably on the to-do list of most everyone; unfortunately there is a large gap between desire and reality (oh, too true in too many aspects of life). The book I would like to finish (among others) is entitled:
How to Survive Anywhen
The premise (or rant, if I am cornering you on the subject in a smoky bar in upstate New York) hinges on a common science fiction theme; you have become Lost in Time (ominous dum-dum-DUM music). This isn't a science fiction novel, however, this is a self-help book. Most people, when lost in time, make some sort of effort to become un-lost; to return to their original timeline. I postulate that, depending on when you are, you can live quite comfortably with a bit of science in your back pocket. This obviates the need to do all that hard work and tight scheduling (with ensuing hi-jinks or high drama) that normally accompanies the "I have to go back!" mentality.
My plans are to extend this premise into an entire novel, with chapter breakdowns by era. This is a tedious undertaking, especially when considering that Mario Kart 5 hit the store shelves on Monday. So, instead of diving into my project (which involves starting my book which then leads to never finishing my book), I am going to dribble out tidbits here.
Chapter 1: Living comfortably from 1300-1600 AD. First off the list are things to avoid. The Black Plague, or any other such nasty disease (including gum disease, you need to brush folks). Being labeled a heretic, witch, demon, devil, or harlot. You need to avoid public stonings, burnings at the stake, beheading, and hanging offenses. Remember, any significantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Now, on to the good stuff. My recommendations for living comfortably between the years 1300-1600 AD. - Glassblowing and Gunpowder, and Bathing. Old Europe had a few good glassmakers, but they jealously guarded their secrets. A good glassmaker could make a fortune if he knew anything. All you need to understand is a little chemistry and how to find certain materials in nature. Good glass takes some serious heat to melt, however, you can bring down those temperatures with a little fluxing agent like sodium or potassium. I mention potassium because you can get that from pot-ash; just burn a huge pile of seaweed and you are all set. The biggest problem you are likely to have is the iron contamination in your sand. That can be corrected in a few ways, filtration and leeching. Filtration (gravitic and magnetic) is easy, leeching (to get those hard to reach deposits) is a bit tougher. Basically, pre-heat the sand to 140 C then mix with sulfuric acid for an hour, and wash. Neutralize the resultant effluent with lime and the precipitate, calcium sulfate, is left to settle out. You'll need to secure a supply of lime (both for filtering and as a source of calcium in the glass). Try smashing a ton of clam shells into powder and use that. You can eat the clams and save on dinner for that week. Mix up a batch of powder according to the following formula: 72% silica, 13% (sodium or potassium) oxide, and 11% calcium oxide, with about 4% of wiggle room with some minor constituents you might want to throw in (like lead oxide!). Heat on high for a few hours (you'll need to hit about 1440 C). Cool slowly…veeeerrrrryyyy slowly. Anneal at 450 C for two hours and serve (that's 2 hours at temp, it'll take you a day or so to cool from there).
Gunpowder is even more simple. Bat guano, sulfur, and carbon. Mixed in a ratio of 75% Potassium nitrate, 15% charcoal, and 10% sulfur. Although there are a few items you need to keep in mind. First off, histoplasmosis, known as bat-shit poisoning, is a significant danger when collecting guano from caves. Wear appropriate protection for your lungs (and your head, caves can be dangerous). Good luck on the sulfur, most of the nations back then will probably keep a tight watch on their sulfur mines. Carbon is easy. Now grind it all into fine powder and mill it in a ball mill for a few hours. You can also corn the powder to increase its effectiveness. In a corning process you mix your powder with alcohol and water and press it into a cake. Dry your cake and grind it with a mortal and pestle. Then sort out your powders with a sieve. I am not the one who is going to tell you which fines to use, you are the one lost in time. At least now you can defend yourself (with some basic gunsmithing knowledge – I recommend researching grapeshot and breech-loaded carbines) and scare the natives who get too close.
Keeping clean is close in kind with keeping healthy. I would love to recommend Penicillin or Aspirin, but making them is extremely difficult with limited technology and you are likely to poison yourself. I did do a little research to start you on your way. A good idea would be to take up soap making as a hobby. The smells and chemicals may keep away strangers and the product will keep you clean. While this is not extremely helpful advice, keep in mind, if I actually had all the research done, I would have written the book (or at least started it).
So, for this chapter, you really need to concentrate on three things; get rich quick, hold them off with guns, and take lots of baths. But whatever you do, if you find yourself lost in time, don't start writing a book. You'll never finish it, and someone will probably try to kill you for trying.
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