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 Timeline
by brooksie
Timeline
Metacritic.com: 28
My Score: 03/10
Movie or Film: Movie
I think that so far, the funniest review I've seen for this movie is the one from Entertainment Weekly... Something about how "special kudos go to Walker, for his dead-on impression of a time-traveling 2x4". That's really all you need to know about this movie, but if you're still interested, by all means, read on.
The plot sucks. The characters suck. The plot-kludge that results in them getting stuck in the past sucks. I mean, obviously, you're going into the past, and you're going to break the rules by bringing something technological... So you bring a one-shot device (a grenade) which isn't even designed to kill. That's right. The likelihood of being killed by a grenade is not very good. You will, however, be badly injured, and hospitalized. Which is worse for your side than if you're a corpse.
So, yeah. I can't speak too highly of Timeline. You're glad when the french guy dies, you don't give a crap about what's going to happen, and when the movie is finally over, the only thing you wish would have happened differently is that it would have been cool if during filming, Paul Walker was accidentally shot in the neck with an arrow. Please, for the love of god, somebody's got to get that guy out of Hollywood. I can't even figure out why he's famous to begin with.
Maybe it's not Paul Walker's fault Timeline blows. But he's sure a fun whipping-boy.
It really scares me that I enjoyed this movie. I mean, I knew it sucked. I didn't feel any attachment to the characters, I saw the plot sucked... But I couldn't help but enjoy it. So, if you're looking for a sub-Army of Darkness level middle age action flick, Timeline will apparently entertain you. Otherwise, you should probably avoid it, or you'll start sounding like Patrick.
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